My thoughts on how to approach life after college and how people may be feeling before graduation.

Why I’m Writing This

I know you know. Like most of my blog posts, this one has originated from a place of pain, anxiety, frustration, comparison, fear, and more pain. Early adulthood is commonly characterized as being a journey where you make mistakes and figure things out. But…when does “Early adulthood” begin and end? Are you all-of-a-sudden an adult because you finished 120 hours of chemical engineering (and other useless bullshit) -related classes? Does it end when you hit 30?

It doesn’t matter. People try to put these arcs of our lives into a framework so that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Like, “oh yeah when I’m an adult and have kids, I won’t be scared, or lonely, or anxious”, because that’s what we want. We want to know that one day, magically everything is automatically going to turn out okay. But that’s not optimism—that’s ignorance.

You Have to Live Your Life

There are two ways You Have to Live Your Life can be taken, so let me go further. No one can tell you how to live your best life (they can try), and no one is going to live your life for you. That’s on you—YOU have to live your life. All the shit, all the lows, even when it feels like you’re driving at 75 MPH in the dark for weeks at a time. No one else has nearly as much skin in the game as you do, literally.

This means that you need to sit down and decide the next steps. There are the tried-and-true, recommended paths. Fuck those. Those were not made specifically for YOU. Those are the equivalent of the Size Medium Old Navy T-shirt: they kinda fit everyone but only make 1% of people really happy.

The positive here is that you know what makes you happy. I’m assuming you’ve laughed or smiled in the past few years. Think back to the times that have made you the most happy, and those are your ingredients. Two things with this. First, try to be aware of social effects and separate what is “supposed” to make you happy and what really makes you happy. Secondly, don’t look at the surface level. Let’s say you were watching a comedy special with some friends last week, and you were smiling ear-to-ear. Think about why that made you happy and how you can replicate that formula in a different context. You want to break down all of these experiences to their core elements, and then form some molecules. Let’s call these your happy chemicals.

Next come your value chemicals. This is what you’re really good at and can help other people with. Think back to the times where you received a lot of validation or praise, or you helped a lot of people. Now think about the core skills that support each of these experiences. If other people say you’re easy to talk to, it may just be that you’re incredibly skilled at connecting with others.

So let’s make a cocktail. I would recommend starting with the happy chemicals and then finding ways to integrate the value chemicals. For example, if you really enjoy telling people about new beauty products you’ve been trying, and you find that you’re really good at making presentations for class, you could pursue a career in marketing and advertising, working on brand deals. But this isn’t the only combination. You want to make a lot of cocktails—since there are a lot of combinations. Also, just like real cocktails, the more flavors you add to each combination, the more you can sell it for (in this case, the more you’ll enjoy it).

Don’t Plan, Just Live

That is all the planning I would recommend doing at this stage. Figure out what makes you happy, figure out how you can help people, and then comes the big next step—go and do it. Which one? Doesn’t matter! It really doesn’t. I promise you. Which cocktail you pursue does not change who you are, or who loves you, or what you can become. Just trust your gut, as long as you’re pretty sure it’ll make you happy and create value in the world.

But then let’s say you try it, and it either doesn’t help enough people (you don’t get paid enough / aren’t fulfilled), or you’re unhappy (little free time / relationships are worsening). You need to have the courage to change directions. The reason our planning process was so short was not because we’re lazy, it’s not because life is easy, it’s because you need to be flexible. Being stubborn is actually perfectly fine—if you’re right. But how many people were right about exactly what they wanted in life first try? Exactly. It’s a first draft—all first drafts are shit. But you need to write the first draft to get to the paperback, to get to the hard-cover edition, to get recognized at a Starbucks by a 14-year-old goth girl with an $8 frappe.

You can’t attribute a bad life to bad planning. As long as you’re honest about the situation, you’re willing to change, and you work reasonably hard, things will turn out great eventually. But if you’re not honest with yourself, if you fall victim to the sunk-cost fallacy, if you pursue things that others do solely because others pursue them—yeah, life is going to suck.

Comparison

The really interesting thing about graduation is that you have over 100,000 people all starting anew at the exact same time. I think there are typically 2 key misunderstandings about this situation. Number 1: life is a race. Trust me, you don’t want to be the first to finish. Plus, everyone has a different finish line. Life is not a race, it’s a sketchbook that you draw in every day in the hopes that eventually you draw something you can show your mom. Number 2: straight paths are better than windy ones. It’s usually the people that pursue the linear paths that are the most afraid of life, and as such, hope to live in autopilot—making few decisions for themselves and instead hoping that society is right about what will make them happy. Take the windy path. Try new things, explore, take risks, experience huge wins and bigger failures, cry, laugh, love—dude that is LIFE!

Today and Tomorrow

The most important things are today and tomorrow. If today sucks and tomorrow sucks, then your life sucks. It’s that simple. Don’t pursue a life where today and tomorrow have to suck so that in 5 years you’ll achieve that one thing that is supposed to make you happy. What if that one thing doesn’t make you happy?

I think it’s much less risky to focus on today and tomorrow, and it stops you from making excuses. If you want to do something, you start doing it today, and tomorrow you reevaluate. If you like it, keep doing it and try to get better at it every day. If you don’t like it, find something new or be present in the things you already love.